Caregiving for aging parents is becoming more common — and more financially draining. One woman has been helping her mother daily: driving her to appointments, assisting with errands, and even translating medical advice. She's also made sacrifices professionally, including unpaid time off and missed performance bonuses during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Now, she’s asking a reasonable question: Can she recoup her losses from her mother’s estate after her death? She’s hesitant to bring it up while her mother is alive, especially since stress worsens her condition. Her brother, who lives far away and has not contributed to her care, became angry upon learning of a change in investment distributions made in recognition of her help.
Informal Caregiving Isn’t Automatically Compensated
Legally speaking, unpaid caregiving by family members is not automatically reimbursable from an estate unless there is a formal contract in place. If a parent adjusts investment disbursements or makes a will that accounts for such care, it is their right to do so — but it is not an entitlement unless documented in advance. That often places caregiving children in a difficult position: either they ask for a written agreement, potentially creating family friction, or they move forward with no legal guarantee of compensation.
In this case, the caregiver is prioritizing her mother’s comfort over the potential financial reward. That’s understandable, especially given her mother’s health condition. However, it also means that unless her mother makes a clear provision in her will, she may not be reimbursed at all.
Family Conflict Can Complicate Estate Planning
This situation also highlights how inheritance expectations and family dynamics often collide. While her brother has not been involved in their mother’s care, he took issue with her receiving additional financial recognition. This underscores a broader lesson: parents are under no obligation to disclose their estate plans to their children, and doing so often leads to conflict — especially when care responsibilities have not been equally shared.
National data supports the caregiver's experience. According to the National Partnership for Women and Families, the average American age 15 or older provides 245 hours of unpaid care annually. If compensated like professional caregivers — who themselves are often underpaid — the value of that work would exceed $1 trillion per year. Two-thirds of this labor is performed by women.
The Practical Path Forward
If this caregiver wants to pursue future reimbursement, the best option would be to have a written care agreement, notarized and mutually understood. But if that feels out of reach or emotionally fraught, the more realistic route may be to view this time as a non-financial investment in her relationship with her mother.
This doesn’t preclude her mother from leaving additional assets in gratitude. It simply acknowledges that without formal steps, estate reimbursement isn’t guaranteed, no matter how justifiable it may feel.
For now, the most sustainable approach is to document time, expenses, and contributions as clearly as possible. Should the family ever revisit the conversation, this record will help clarify the scope of her support — not just emotionally, but in hard numbers.
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